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    May 30

    Ponderings of a Mom overwhelmed

    List of things that I have done, am doing & thinking about doing.
     
    Still need to take the film in to get developed from our trip to Germany and Sweden.  Katrina's digital camera broke (and of course we did not buy the extended warranty, dumb move as the thing is only 3 months old - strangle kid!!!!!) so we had to buy the old fashioned disposal cameras.  Do this on the weekend!!
     
    In the midst of my Business communication course, seem to be doing well, wrote an exam last night.  My letters and e-mails are getting so professional that one day I will take over the WORLD!!!  Baaaahaha!!
     
    Kimberley and I went to see Fallout Boy!!  We had floor seats, very squishy, but we did not have to be rescued this year from the mosh pit!!!  We were so close to the stage that Kimberley almost touched the bass players, Pete Wentz - and we kept getting soaked with the bands water bottles that they kept throwing at us.  (Any body else who dumped their backwashed water on me would be sooooo yucky!!!  Infact this is grossing me out now - stop thinking!!!!!
     
    Our garden is gorgeous!!!!!  If I had a digital camera that works I would take a picture to show you.  Mats has been planting lots of vegies and he was working all last night in his garden.  Yummy!!!  Nothing like a man working hard........
     
    I have had a "first".  Yesterday, Kimberley decided that she was riding my bike to her friend's house and then walking to school from there.  Now, I was too busy lecturing her about making sure that my $400 bike that I have yet to ride because my daughters like it better then their own and are always using it when I want to go for a ride - I digress - I wanted my bike locked up and safe from theives or Kimberley was buying me a new one out of her birthday money account - any hoo - I was did not notice that this was a FIRST.  The FIRST TIME EVER, that I or my hubby have not taken Kimberley to school!!!!  The FIRST TIME she has just walked out in the morning and gotten herself there!!!!  I HAVE NO BABIES ANY MORE!!!
     
    Work is nuts and calling me right now - gotta run!!
    May 17

    Back from Europe

    Just a quick note to say that yes I am still alive -Mats and I just returned from our trip to Germany and Sweden.  We had a great time - first I had to work in Germany and then off to Sweden to visit with Mats brother and his cousin.  Now, I am working my little butt off trying to catch up and close the month - have to get all the filing done.  So this is short and sweet but I am around!!
     
    April 19

    Quick Update!!

    Well the two week festivities celebrating my birth have come to an end.  Now, I just have to gear up for mother's day - here is the plan:
     
    Before they all go out to shop for my mothers day present I will gather up the chicklets while I am in my bra and underwear and I will say:
     
    'When shopping for the second most sacred of gifts (the first being my birthday present, of course)  please remember what bringing you into the world and breast feeding you for 9 months each did to my body."
     
    And then I will launch into the story of the collective 36 hours of labour I endured to enduce even more guilt into their shopping extravaganza.
     
    They will then get me an incredible gift using Daddy's credit card to get me to shut up.
     
     
    Any hoo - on sane grounds life has been busy so far.  Had a wonderful birthday celebration with two of my dearest friends (I let them bring their spouses along too).  I hired a limo and we went out to a trendy restaurant/night club and had a grand ole' time.  Though I will tell ya that pole dancing was a little shaky and uncoordinated the next day!!
     
    Just completed a whirl wind trip to Montreal yesterday and I have deadlines greeting me up the ying yang.
     
    Me and C both received A+ as our final mark in our Management Accounting course and now we are off to learn about Business communications.  Hopefully, a nice easy course to coast us through summer.
     
    Gotta fly!!!
    April 03

    All about Me!

    Let the celebrations begin.  April is all about ME.  Yes the 7th is the sacred day in 1969 that the universe put forth a great daughter of Eve and I breathed my first breath during my home birth on my father's side of the bed.
     
    From that day forth I have been known as my mom's "Hippy Baby".
     
    We even all get a long weekend to celebrate the joy that I bring forth into the world.   Where would you all be without the likes of ME!!
     
    The orders have already been given to the chicklets and the Hubby.  Mama wants a gourmet dinner, friends bearing gifts and the house clean and tidy!!!!  Plus lots of quality time with them where they can show their thanks for the wonderful times I bring forth into their lives!!
     
     
    Okay - even I am making myself sick now!!!!  I really am not that vain, self centred and conceited.  At least, I will not admit it!!  But I am a little kid around my birthday!!  My friend K. is taking me to see a Led Zeppelin cover band this Thursday in celebration.  The kids are making me a special dinner, we are going to my folks on Sunday where - of course - I will insist on being the centre of attention!!  I want balloons!!!!  And then the next week a whole gang of my best buds are taking me out on the town.  Apparently, they have their own families that they must gather round this weekend - who figured - so we have to delay it a week.  But that just continues the celebration - which is my ultimate plan - of course!!
     
    Wait - didn't I just claim not to be self-absorbant??????
     
    Yipee - it's all about me!!!!
     
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!
    March 30

    So you wanna have kids??

    Here is my cop-put blog but I have been frantically busy and barely have time to breath!!  So I thought I would give you Friday Funnies and will catch up later!!
     

    Thinking of Having Kids? (but not to dissuade anyone ... of course!)

    LESSON 1

    1.Go to the grocery store

    2.Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head

    office.

    3.Go home.

    4.Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

    LESSON 2

    Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who

    already are parents and berate them about their...

    1.Methods of discipline.

    2.Lack of patience.

    3.Appallingly low tolerance levels.

    4.Allowing their children to run wild.

    Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's

    breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall

    behaviour.

    Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will

    have all the answers.

    LESSON 3

    To discover how the nights will feel...

    1.Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet

    bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static

    (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

    2. At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go

    to sleep.

    3.Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the

    bag, until 1AM.

    4.Set the alarm for 3AM.

    5.As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a

    drink.

    6.Go to bed at 2:45AM.

    7.Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

    8.Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.

    9.Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.

    10.Look cheerful.

    LESSON 4

    Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

    1.Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

    2.Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it

    there all summer.

    3.Stick your fingers in the flower bed. Then rub them on the

    clean walls.

    4.Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

    LESSON 5

    Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

    1.Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

    2.Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the

    arms hang out.

    3.Time allowed for this - all morning.

    LESSON 6

    Craft Test:

    1.Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of

    paint, turn it into an alligator.

    2.Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only

    Scotch tape and a piece of aluminium foil, turn it into an attractive

    Christmas candle.

    3.Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty

    packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

    LESSON 7

    Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can

    leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't

    look like that.

    1.Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove

    compartment. Leave it there.

    2.Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player.

    3.Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them

    into the back seat.

    4.Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

    5.There. Perfect.

    LESSON 8

    1.Get ready to go out.

    2.Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.

    3.Go out the front door.

    4.Come in again. Then go out.

    5.Come back in.

    6.Go out again.

    7.Walk down the front path.

    8.Walk back up it.

    9.Walk down it again.

    10.Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

    11.Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about

    every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead

    insect along the way.

    12.Retrace your steps.

    13.Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the

    neighbours come out and stare at you.

    14.Give up and go back into the house.

    You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a

    walk.

    LESSON 9

    Repeat everything you say at least (if not more than) five

    times.

    LESSON 10

    Go to the local grocery store.

    1.Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school

    child (a full-grown goat is excellent).

    2.If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one

    goat.

    3.Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of

    your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Just hand over

    your pay check.

    4.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate

    having children.

    LESSON 11

    1.Hollow out a melon.

    2.Make a small hole in the side.

    3.Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

    4.Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them

    into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

    5.Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

    6.Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the

    air.

    You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

    LESSON 12

    Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney,

    Disney, the Teletubbies, PBS, Noggin, Nickelodeon and Pokemon.

    Watch nothing else on TV for at least five years.

    LESSON 13

    Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick

    your nose in it.

    Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

    LESSON 14

    Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.

    (Important: no more than a four second delay between each

    "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is

    required).

    Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four

    years.

    You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

    LESSON 15

    Start talking to an adult of your choice.

    Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-

    sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14

    above.

    You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while

    there is a child in the room.

    LESSON 16

    1.Go into the living room; sit on your favourite chair.

    2.Pee & poop on the chair, get up and run around the room

    continuing to pee.

    3.Change yourself, clean up your mess.

    4.Do this for 16 to seventeen times each day for a week.

    5.Then, stop having accidents for one or two weeks.

    6.Then on the third week begin peeing around the house again,

    cleaning up after each accident.

    7.Do this for about six months.

    8.You are now ready for potty training your two/three year old.

    If you want to know what its like to potty train and have a

    newborn, add in a 10-15 pound bag of potatoes. Carry it around as you

    pick up all the pee & poop.

    GOOD LUCK!!!

    March 12

    Note to Self............

    Janet, please remember in the future that when you decide to do something nice for your daughter, say let her host a party for 20 of her closest friends for her birthday - and even though you do everything right and prescreen the attendees, stand at the door at check mark the guests, supervise, supervise, supervise - that one bad apple will sneak in - and at around midnight - his Mr. Jekyll personality will come out and he will have to proove that he is the alpha male and somewhere down the line - yadayadayada - your mirrored closet doors will get smashed in.  Mind you, there is a bright side, at least no one got stabbed.
     
    Must go now - my break here at the looney bin is up and I must take my meds......
    March 07

    Happy Birthday!!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY KITKAT!!!!
     
     
     
     
    otherwise known as, and much to her chagrin I might add, as Beaners.
     
     
    This nickname is derived from the orginal nick name of "Beanie Baby" that her mama called her when she was a wee baby.  Then it was Trini Beanie and from there we tortured her with the above.  All her friends she made in DR this winter found this nickname quite amusing and thought it was the result of a flatulence disorder!!  Which made her blush profusely!!!
     
     
    I cannot believe that 18 years have passed so quickly.  Now, she is my independant social butterfuly who has actually started to make plans to more out within a year with her cousin!!!
     
    It is so cliche but my how time has passed!
     
    Love ya Beanie-Bear!!!
    March 06

    It's My First!!!

    I have been absolutely thrilled with the news today.  I am going to be going to Germany for business in May - my first business trip!!  And, because of its close proximity to Sweden, my hubby is tagging along - he will have to entertain himself for a few days while I attend a workshop on International Reporting (I really do not think he wants to sit throught that!!) and then we are going to spend a long weekend in Sweden!!  Mats' brother, Miche (Mike), lives with his family in Malmkoping and we have never been to his hobby farm - and we have not seen his cousin in over 14 years nor have we met his three children!!  Mats has two nieces that we have not seen in 10 years so this is a big deal.  And the best part is that this is an ANNUAL workshop so we should be able to visit his brother once a year as well!!
     
    YIPPEE!!
    March 02

    TGIF!

    We survived the winter storm of yesterday!  It is bright and sunny and once again we are preparing for a day of skiing tomorrow!!  Yippee!!  Plus if March comes in like a lion, it goes out like a Lamb!!  Or at least that is what THEY Promise - whomever they may be!
     
    AND I just scored Fallout Boy Tickets for Kimberley and myself.  I was just able to get general level floors - so hopefully we will not have a repeat of last year's Mosh Pit Rescue.  Kimberley is a member of the Fallout Boy fan club OCK so she is hoping that they have a meet and greet at this years concert!!  Though she has gotten very tall this year and actually WANTS to mosh pit this year.  So she might have to protect me!!
     
    Plus, my girlfriend just invited me to go and see a Led Zeppelin cover band in  a couple of weeks.  I am just a rockin'!!  She is taking me out for my birthday - which is coming up shortly.  Katrina's is coming up quickly - I cannot believe that she is going to be 18!!  She says she is getting a tattoo to mark the event - I have two so I have just encouraged her to get them in a place she won't regret later - 'cause ya need to remember that you are not 18 forever.  I have never regretted mine!!!  Maybe while she gets THAT done I will mark my birthday with a belly button ring.  Hmmmmm - will ponder that one for a while.
     
    Congratulations Samantha!!
     
    She has earned a spot on the honour roll at school AND received a letter of congratulations from her principal!!! 
     
    Happy Weekend All!!
    February 22

    Thought on Thursday

    I have been having a great time lately just enjoying life.  Went skiing on Saturday with Mats, Kimy and her friend, C.  I tell ya - I really enjoy the stage of life that I am at.  Kimy and C. Are now old enough to take off skiing on their own - and I am now an accomplished skiier and can keep up with me Matsy!!  All these years of following him down the hill have certainly paid off.  My parallel form has improved 1000% and I am proud to say that even HE says my form is excellent!!  Yippee!!  And I am very sure that my resuming my regular workouts has helped tremendously with that!!  Mats and I had had enough at around 6:30 and decided to go to dinner - Kimy and her friend prefer the fine dining available in the ski lodge so we were on our own!!  And this is where advantage number 1 of our new found just a couple stage became apparent.  Every one else with parties of 5, 6, 7 with a slew of little wee ones had 40 to 60 min waits.  When the hostess discovered our coupledome status we were given a table in 30 seconds!!  And, as I looked around at all the parents entertaining wee ones - I realized how relaxed I was, sipping on my cosmopolitan and just talking about whatever with my hubby.  With no interruptions or runny noses to wipe.  Oh the well deserved bliss after almost 18 years of parenthood!
     
    C. and I attended our second pole dancing glass and I still can't get over how tough of a workout it is!!  And the hour just flies by we are having so much fun!!  It is great to have a workout with so many comic elements to it - it gives a nice breather to the week.
     
    This weekend will be one of hitting the books.  C. and I have an exam on Monday and I have ton of reviewing to do.  I will get this into my head, I will get this into my head.  I will do well, I will do well.  My postive mantra will be the key - plus hours of studying and review will certainly help!!
     
    Work is busy - but good busy.  Lots of challenges and lots of accomplishments.  Just what the Dr. ordered.
     
    Speaking of work - I must get back to attending to the piles of paperwork on my desk.  They aren't just going to disappear on their own!
    February 13

    Dancin' 'Round the Brass Pole

    Last night, I attended, with two of my very bestest girlfriends, a"teaser" pole dancing class.  Let me tell you, I now have great respect for exotic dancers 'cause that is hard work!!  A lot of the floor work was very similar to Yoga with a bit more la-ti-da thrown in.    And I tell ya - I can see why most dancers have great bodies 'cause it strengthens muscles ya didn't even know ya had.  The pole work was tough (must say it was the first time I had danced around a pole sober) - and I do not think I looked too sexy with the hard, concentrating grimace all over my face!!  My fellow polees has a good laugh!
     
     
    However, undaunted I am and registered for the first six week session I have done.  Might as well have some fun thrown into my weekly work out routine!!!  And me Matsy has big smiles on his face 'cause he be thinkin' maybe HE will benefit from my rediscovering my sexy side!!!
     
    WooHoo Womanhood!!!  And maybe, Step Monster. I will have to set up my own Harlot Fund!!
     
     Burning Heart 
    February 12

    Getting to know ya!!

    Welcome to the new edition of getting to know your
    family & friends. Okay here's what you're supposed to do, just copy (do not forward)
    this entire e-mailand paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change
    all the answers sothat they apply to you. Then send this to a whole
    bunch of people you know,INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. Some of you
    may get this severaltimes that means you have lots of friends. Keep a copy
    of e-mail from each friend for future reference.


    1. What is your occupation? 
     Accounting Manager
    2. What color are your socks right now?   Beige pantyhose
    3. What are you listening to right now?  Office heating system.
    4. What was the last thing that you ate?  Spa Salmon and basil frozen dinner.
    5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes - did for years but haven't in a long, long time.

    6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?  Red
    7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?  Daughter, Katrina
    8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?  Yes!
    9. How old are you today?  37
    10. Favorite drink?  Water and a glass of red or white wine.
    11. What is your favorite sport to watch?  Hockey!! Go leafs!!

    12. Have you ever dyed your hair?  All the time!!

    14. pets?  2 cats, Kelsey and Midnight and one dog, dooley.
      (Hey, anyone know what happened to #13???)


    15. Favorite food?   Seafood and chicken!!
    16. What was the last movie you watched? The Rocket - Maurice Richard story.  Richard was a legendary hockey player with the Montreal Canadiens.  The best movie I have seen in a long time - even with the subtitles!!
    17. Favorite day of the year?  
     Christmas cause I know that we will all be together!
    18. What do you do to vent anger?   Clean and/or head to the gym
    19. What was your favorite toy as a child? Doll named Penny that my mom made an entire wardrobe for.


    20. Fall or spring? Spring!!  Love the thaw and opening our pool!!
     
    21. Hugs or kisses? BOTH!  And you can't MAKE ME choose!!
    22. Cherries or Blueberry?  Blueberry!
    23. Do you want your family & friends to email you back? Not emailing them.

    24. Who is most likely to respond?  Nobody (Again, no #25??)
    26. Living arrangements?  Living with three daughters, one almost daughter, hubby and myself in typically all brick surbaban home with two car garage, main floor laundry and the very necessary ensuite master bath (I am not sharing a bathroom with the slob sisters!!)

    27. When was the last time you cried? this morning.
    28. What is on the floor of your closet?  Shoes and some bags filled with clothes to give to my niece.
    29. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?   Not sending it.


    30. What did you do last night?  Studied, ate Thai Chicken Pizza, watched "Sell this House" and other real estate shows that drive the kids craze, read Chatelaine magazine and went to sleep.


    31. Favorite smells?  Cinammon and ginger bread.
    33. What are you afraid of?  My girls not realizing their potential and, therefore, never moving out.  It was NOT a good morning.
    34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? 
     Spicy - Yum!! (No #35??  This is weird...)

    36. Favorite dog breed?  Cavalier King Charles Spaniel - my Dooley!!
     
    37. Number of keys on your key ring?    3.
    38. How many years at your current job? 6.

    39. Favorite day of the week?  Friday!!

    40. How many states have you lived in? none and only one province, Ontario!!
    41. Favorite holiday? Christmas and my birthday!!.

    42. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery?  Old boyfriend of years ago was a Harley man.....
    43. Who's your favorite NFL team?  My husband is partial to the Cleveland Browns.  I am the antichrist and think football is boring.
    44. Do you have a house phone that is NOT cordless? One because we can never FIND the cordless.
    45. 10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather?    10 inches of snow if I am able to go skiing if not than100 degree weather cause then I can sit in my pool and drink fruitie beverages...
    February 09

    Why can't they just stick with their ears?!!!!

    Yesterday, I  was doing the usual routine of getting myself ready for work, the lunches made, the bathroom swiped, the bed made, some laundry folded and - oh yeah - get the sleeping slugs out a bed and ready for school (they all sleep right through their alarms) when my middle daughter came into my dressing area and asked for an advil.
     
    "What's wrong? - Gotta a headache - feeling sick?  Or Midol, is it midol you need?"  (side bar - I live with four teenage girls - we own SHARES in Midol!!!)
     
    "No ma - my tongue hurts."
     
    "Your tongue - why on earth would your tongue hurt?"  - me with stupefide expression on my face.
     
    "I bit it really hard last night in my sleep and it really hurts!!!"
     
    "Come here and let me look at this tongue!!"
     
    "Jeez, louise, it looks like when you bit it you accidentally put a spike with a ball through it - wait a sec YOU GOTTA A TONGUE RING!!!  WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GET A TONGUE RING!!  I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET A TONGUE RING!!!  IT'S BAD ENOUGHT THAT YOU HAVE A SPIKE THROUGH YOUR EAR!!!!!!!!"
     
     
    Fast forward to last night............
     
    "Mom, can I have $85 dollars to go snowboarding for the weekend"
     
    "YOU SPENT $75 DOLLARS TO PUT A SPIKE THROUGH YOUR TONGUE AND THEN YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE WEEKEND!!!!!  HaHA!!!!!  Welcome to the real world o little miss spikey one!!!!  YOU MADE A CHOICE.  YOU PICKED THE SPIKE OVER THE SNOWBOARDING!!!!!!  IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!!"
     
     
    There is a reason why God invented red wine..............I mean, HE is a Parent too!!!!!!
    February 02

    TGIF!!

    Yippee!!! It's Friday - and I am in such a great mood.  Went to the gym this morning and had the best work out I have ever had!!  Was thrilled to stair step 3 miles in about 28 minutes and blew away almost 350 calories.  Plus the adrenaline high is going far this morning!!
     
    My Matsy is in Edmonton - will be back at around 5 pm tonight.  Whirlwind tour for him - flew out just yesterday - not the type of business trip he likes.  But he has had worse - 5 Canadian cities from east to west in 5 days - he was a tad worn out after that one, but I digress.
     
    My exciting Friday night includes sitting at a coffee shop with a lap top, a text book and a ton of work to get through.  Plus, today I have to compile the information for the case study that I have to do - must get started on that this weekend.  Woohoo - one big party after another!!
     
    Tomorrow night will be a blast.  My very good friend, S. is turning the big 4-Oh this month - her boyfriend and her sister are planning the biggest and bestest surprise party of the year (do not worry, she does not read my blog!!!) - The theme is eighties heavy metal concert - the invitations were so cute - Concert Tickets.  We are all suppose to dress as we did when we were concert hotties in the eighties.  So, last night I went and got my hair all streaked blonde, and cute short and perky! And I am going to run out to Guess tonight and get some black skinny pants, a big sweater and a big belt- the theme is timely when right now eighties retro is so hot!!!  My daughter has a pair of leopard skin stilletos that I can borrow - so watch out - the inner slut is coming out!!!!  And to top off the party of the year - a look ali  ke John Bon Jovi stripper has been hired to make an "appearance" at midnight - Woo-hoo - can this get any better!!!  Now, if I can remember how to tease my hair into the prerequisit BIG EIGHTIES HAIR - but I am sure that is skill that one does not loose!!!
     
    Needless to say I am a tad excited.
     
    Happy Weekend every body!!!
     
     Spike Floodlight 
     
    Entertainers 1
    February 01

    This letter speaks for itself

    I read this and it struck me in the heart.  I had to publsh this.....
     
    Fighting Words
    By Courtesy (St. John's)
    The Independent
    Friday, January 26, 2007

    By Rick Mercer

    For The Independent


    Poor Noreen Golfman. She wrote in her Jan. 12 column (Blowing in the Wind … ) that her holidays were ruined by what she felt were incessant reports about Canadian men and women serving in Afghanistan. So upset was Noreen that, armed with her legendary pen, sharpened from years in the trenches at Memorial University’s women’s studies department, she went on the attack. I know I should just ignore the good professor and write her off as another bitter baby boom academic pining for what she fondly calls “the protest songs of yesteryear,” but I can’t help myself. A response is exactly what she wants; and so I include it here. After all, Newfoundlanders have seen this before: Noreen Golfman, sadly, is Margaret Wente without the wit.


    Dear Noreen,

    I am so sorry to hear about the interruption to
    your holiday cheer. You say in your column that it all started when the CBC ran a story on some “poor sod” who got his legs blown off in Afghanistan.

    The “poor sod” in question, Noreen, has a name and it is Cpl. Paul Franklin. He is a medic in the Forces and has been a buddy of mine for years. I had dinner with him last week in Edmonton, in fact. I will be sure to pass on to him that his lack of legs caused you some personal discomfort this Christmas.

    Paul is a pretty amazing guy. You would like him I think. When I met him years ago he had two good legs and a brutally funny sense of humour. He was so funny that I was pretty sure he was a Newfoundlander. You probably know the type (or maybe you don’t) — salt of the earth, always smiling, and like so many health-care professionals, seemingly obsessed with helping others in need.

    These days he spends his time training other health-care workers and learning how to walk again. That’s a pretty exhau sting
    task for Paul … heading into rehabilitation he knew very well his chances of walking again were next to none, considering he’s a double amputee, missing both legs above the knee.

    At the risk of ruining your day Noreen, I’m proud to report that for the last few months he has managed to walk his son to school almost every morning and it’s almost a kilometre from his house. Next month Paul hopes to travel to Washington where he claims he will learn how to run on something he calls “bionic flipper cheetah feet.” The legs may be gone but the sense of humour is still very much intact.

    Forgive me Noreen for using Paul’s name so much, but seeing as you didn’t catch it when CBC ran the profile on his recovery I thought it might be nice if you perhaps bothered to remember it from here on in. This way, when you are pontificating about him at a dinner party, you no longer have to refer to him simply as the “poor sod,” but you can actually refer to him as Paul Franklin.
    You may prefer “poor sod” of course; it’s all a matter of how you look at things. You see a “poor sod” that ruined your Christmas and I see a truly inspiring guy. That’s why I am thrilled that the CBC saw fit to run a story on Paul and his wife Audra. I would go so far as to suggest that many people would find their story, their marriage and their charitable endeavours inspiring. Just as I am sure that many readers of The Independent are inspired by your suggestion that Paul’s story has no place on the public broadcaster.

    Further on in your column you ask why more people aren’t questioning Canada’s role in Afghanistan. I understand this frustration. It’s a good question. Why should Canada honour its United Nations-sanctioned NATO commitments? Let’s have the discussion. I would welcome debate on the idea that Canada should simply ignore its international obligations and pull out of Afghanistan. By all means ask the questions Noreen, but surely such debates ca n occur
    without begrudging the families of injured soldiers too much airtime at Christmas?

    Personally, I would have thought that as a professor of women’s studies you would be somewhat supportive of the notion of a NATO presence in Afghanistan. After all, it is the NATO force that is keeping the Taliban from power. In case you missed it Noreen, the Taliban was a regime that systematically de-peopled women to the point where they had no human rights whatsoever. This was a country where until very recently it was illegal for a child to fly a kite or for a little girl to receive any education.

    To put it in terms you might understand Noreen, rest assured the Taliban would frown on your attending this year’s opening night gala of the St. John’s International Women’s Film Festival. In fact, as a woman, a professor, a writer and (one supposes) an advocate of the concept that women are people, they would probably want to kill you three or four times over. Thankfully that
    notion is moot in our cozy part of the world but were it ever come to pass I would suggest that you would be grateful if a “poor sod” like Paul Franklin happened along to risk his life to protect yours.

    And then of course you seem to be somehow personally indignant that I would visit troops in Afghanistan over Christmas. You ask the question “When did the worm turn?” Well I hate to break it to you, but in my case this worm has been doing this for a long time now. It’s been a decade since I visited Canadian peacekeeping operations in Bosnia and this Christmas marked my third trip to Afghanistan. Why do I do it? Well I am not a soldier — that much is perfectly clear. I don’t have the discipline or the skills. But I am an entertainer and entertainers entertain. And occasionally, like most Canadians, I get to volunteer my professional time to causes that I find personally satisfying.

    As a Newfoundlander this is very personal to me. On every one of these trips I
    meet Newfoundlanders who serve proudly in the Canadian Forces. Every day they do the hard work that we as a nation ask of them. They do this without complaint and they do it knowing that at every turn there are people like you, Noreen, suggesting that what they do is somehow undignified or misguided.

    I am also curious Noreen why you refer to the head of the Canadian Forces, General Rick Hillier, as “Rick ‘MUN graduate’ Hillier.” I would suggest that if you wish to criticize General Hillier’s record of leadership or service to his country you should feel free. He is a big boy. However, when you dismiss him as “Rick ‘MUN Graduate’ Hillier” the message is loud and clear. Are you suggesting that because General Hillier received an education at Memorial he is somehow unqualified for high command? We are used to seeing this type of tactic in certain national papers — not The Independent.

    You end by saying you personally cannot envision that peace can ever be paved

    with military offensives. May I suggest to you that in many instances in history peace has been achieved exactly that way.

    The gates of Auschwitz were not opened with peace talks. Holland was not liberated by peacekeepers and fascism was not defeated with a deft pen. Time and time again men and women in uniform have laid down their lives in just causes and in an effort to free others from oppression.

    It is unfortunate, Noreen, that in such instances people like yourself may have your sensitivities offended, especially during the holiday season, but perhaps that is a small price to pay. Best wishes for the remainder of 2007; may it be a year of peace and prosperity.

    January 31

    Too tired to think of a cool title so this will have to do....

    The pace at work continues to be frenetic.  I am taking a mental health break right now.  I really do not have much to blog about today - lots of work, more studying and this case study that I have to get done for me and C.  There is my Friday night in a nutshell!
     
    The working out is continuing - blasted myself just this morning.  The house has not suddenly become self cleaning and I am dreaming of a full time house keeper that cooks.  I have a friend that has one......she gets to come home from work and just sit down for dinner and enjoy the evening with her kids.  Money may not buy happiness but it sure helps!!!
     
    Mats is continuing his non-smoking ways.  I have to remind myself of that every now and then when he is Mr. Ultra sensitive and I don't dare even given him a cross look 'cause THAT writes off the evening.....
     
    I love my husband, I love my husband, I love my husband and I want him to quit smoking....
     
    My new daily mantra.
     
    I will repeat that four thousand times a day 'cause I truly believe it and it will stop me before I throttle his nicotine addicted neck.
     
    Duty calls!!
    January 24

    Busy and Brief

    C. you will be glad to know that the reason Sir Mats was so short and grumpy with me Monday evening is he was one day 1 of no ciggies!!  So I will cut the man some slack!!
     
    And he handled it very well today when I told him that the Santa Fe need some touch up paint due to the fact that a pole in the underground garage at work jumped out and hit the passenger side wheel well and scraped it up with some dentage.  Tho' I think it is the city's fault 'cause there are no inverse mirrors around corners and one has to hug the walls to avoid a head on collision!
     
    Work is insane - have so much school work it is not funny and Mats wants to start a house painting project!!
     
    But the pole dancing lessons have been booked so we have light, laughs and exercise to break up the monotony of overwork!!
     
    Coffee break is now officially over!!
    January 18

    True Confessions!

    I must confess.  I lasted approximately 8 days sans alcohol until the temptress C.  offered me Bailey's with hot chocolate while we were studying last Saturday.  And what am I, a saint?  I think not!!!  Much to good to pass up.  And then my mom came over on Monday for dinner, and, well, you have to serve guests wine with dinner, it is the law of good etiquette.  And then, I had a scrumpiously delicious dinner with A. & C last night. And what goes better with scrumpciously delicious - well of course a good sauvignon blanc - and there is another law on the books that states one must have wine when dining with girlfriends!!!  Now, I am getting to the gym regularly - but what is life if there is no wine???
     
    Now off to look into pole dancing lessons...............
    January 12

    Getting into new routines

    For those who asked a "Dirty Monkey" is a drink with creme de coco, Kahlua, Triple Sec, Milk and lots of ice.  Very Yummy!!!
     
    I am getting all the pictures from the trip this weekend, I hope.  Our digital camera was ruined when it was put in my Beach bag and then someone stuck sandy sandals in said bag so my momski has burned a disc for me.  The pictures will say it all - we attended a wedding on the beach and just simply relaxed, enjoyed ourselves and each other.  And of course drank and ate way too much!!
     
    Thus far I have been very successful in my main goal for the year.  I am in detox mode right now and have sworn off alcohol until I get back down to my goal weight.  Do not worry, I am not crash dieting - just eliminating the junk and empty calories.  Plus I have to get myself back into workout mode - I am getting my sorry arse back to the gym regularly again and I find that even one glass of wine can be complete demotivating.  So it is water, water and more water for me!!!  And you know what, I am feeling very energized!!!  Plus I am starting to loose the muffin top that I was developing which is motivating me even more.
     
    And then there is the studying.  The course I am taking right now is intensive and is taking up most evenings right now.  And busy at work is not the word for it.
     
    Speaking of work - time out is now officially over!!!
    January 04

    Hello 2007

    I am back from the Beautiful Republic of Punta Cana - we stayed at the beautiful Gran Bahia Principe.  I am absolutely exhausted.  Our flight was delayed yesterday - oh boo-hoo we had to spend a whole extra day at the beach - The Pain!!  We didn't leave until after 11 pm - we were suppose to take flight at 2: 20 pm.  The downside was we did not get home until after 5 am.  But it was well worth it!!
     
    Didn't getting any skiing in Christmas day for the first time in 15 years.  There was absolutely no snow to be found and, instead, the day was spent hiking!!!  Winter continues to be mild - I think they moved me to Vancouver without my knowledge!!!
     
    Today has been spent house cleaning - who knew that a house could get so dusty in one week of emptiness.  I think the Cats may have had a party in our absence!!  And the laundry, laundry and more laundry!!!  But it is bikinis and summer stuff so it isn't bulky - just endless!!
     
    But it is feeling a little surreal.  I most enjoyed getting pampered and spoiled daily.  The older girls had an absolute blast!!  As did "the Baby" (did you hear her groan!!!).  I loved making big decisions as to what bathing suit to wear, should we sit by the pool or the beach - and should I have Vino Blanco or a Dirty Monkey!!
     
    Haven't taken off my all inclusive wrist band yet.  But Subway still made me pay for dinner - the internet ordered groceries are  not coming until tomorrow morning.
     
    The day we were leaving - I kept looking at the beach and thinking "Parting is such sweet sorrow....." while dapping the tears at my eyes.
     
    Luckily, I only have to work one day this week to warm up to the reality plunging of next.  School starts up again for both myself and the kids (C. I got an A+ for my final mark - I need to e-mail Monsieur Professeur to see what I actually managed to achieve on that ill-fated exam - must not have been as terrible as I thought!!!).
     
    Happy 2007 everybody - My laundry has buzzed and must be folded.  And I think I am going to head to bed early. I am running on a grand total of about 6 hours sleep in two days so am a bit numb.  Plus my back hurts from all the vacuuming and scrubbing that needed doing today.  And I have made the mistake of sitting down and am nodding off into my keyboard...............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............